Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
