He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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