Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
