plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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