so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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