If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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