i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
