I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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