i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
