thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
