I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
