He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
