hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
