normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
