Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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