nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
