I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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