my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
