Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Holy shit dude........stairs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
