The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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