plz talk dirty to me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
