I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
