just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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