you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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