the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
