i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
