My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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