it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
