I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
