shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
