We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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