you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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