Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
