i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
