My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
