I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
