We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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