Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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