There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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