And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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