hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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