You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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