my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
