she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
