So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
