I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
