Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
