I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
