She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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