Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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