you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
